Adam, Stephanie, Sophie,
I’m sorry I’m having to write this but it’s disappointing and disgusting that you all turned your backs on me while I was suffering from depression (medical and counselling evidence available by the way). I can handle that though, as it’s no surprise for reasons I’ll get to later. What is really disappointing and borders on unforgivable is that you turned you backs on your grandparents as your grandad was seriously ill. Your gran’s been asking about you all and why you hadn’t been to see them or had the decency to enquire about your grandad. She is more disappointed in you though, Adam, as she realises Stephanie and Sophie didn’t bother much with them. Why you’d turn your backs on them they couldn’t fathom. Neither can I, given they were always extremely good to the three of you. What makes it all the worse is that I sent you a message, Stephanie, explaining that your grandad had been found unresponsive. A message you brushed off with ‘Sorry to hear that dad, I’ll tell the others’ as if he was a distant friend and not your grandad, and not one of you made an effort to contact your gran to enquire how he was. It’s all the more upsetting to your gran as she realises how you all were towards your Gran Small, and you, Adam, towards Nicole’s gran. These are grandparents who were always extremely good to you all, good to your mum, and looked after you when your mum asked. They were always there for the three of you and your mum when she needed help. And don’t forget, Adam and Stephanie, you are their first grandchildren.
Having mentioned the message to Stephanie I can’t pass on the message your cousin sent to you, Sophie, just before Christmas 2021. She told you your grandparents had bought you gifts and were expecting you to collect them as normal. Your reply was you wouldn’t be collecting them as there had been a family fall out. I don’t know what that means, if it’s a melodramatic description of the three of you petty huffing or if there had been a fall out among yourselves, possibly involving your mum, given her history of fall outs. Whatever, it was, disappointingly and uncharacteristically, nothing short of ignorant, considering the kindness your grandparents have always shown you all and the amount of money they’ve spent on you all over the years. Not to mention that they haven’t warranted any of you huffing with them.
What I can’t get my head round is what type of person has the sickness of mind to think ‘My grandparents are both not far short of ninety years old, my grandad is seriously ill but they’re still both alive. BUT, I’m going to make sure I never see them again’. That saddens me, and more so your gran, given the love they showed the three of you.
Before I go any further I want to address the Father’s Day a year past the last one when I was seemingly rude. First of all I told you I didn’t want to come for the reason I explained to you, Adam, which is also apparent later in this letter. However I wanted to see you all so came along. I’m at a loss as to why you thought I was rude but what to bear in mind is much of the conversation involved your Mum and George, a conversation I couldn’t get involved in. Now that’s rude. I did sit and get engrossed in the football on TV which could be construed as rude but then having the TV on when you have visitors is also rude. Stephanie, I’m at a loss as to how you can possibly have an opinion on that day, given your absence.
Having said all that I still don’t understand why you’ve turned your backs on myself and your grandparents, with you, Adam, becoming particularly hostile. The sequence of events and the contact we all had after that father’s day doesn’t make sense. Remember, Father’s Day was on June 20th that year. You all messaged me on my birthday, three months later, albeit it wasn’t the usual occasion. Adam, I saw you at your grandparents on the Sunday, two days prior to my birthday, when you gave me two bottles of wine. The wine was an indication something was up by the way. Adam you also gave me a friendly call during that three month period to tell me you’d broken your arm. Stephanie, we had a conversation on 9th October via WhatsApp. So forgive me if I’m at a loss as to why the hostility. I do believe this has been a collective decision, though, probably involving your Mum, and given your hostile calls, Adam, probably financial. That’s me guessing though.
The only way I feel I can address this, though, is to tell you the truth. And, to be honest, I need to get it off my back and address this for my own mental health. This is the truth with supporting evidence by the way. It also throws up a few questions which you all may be able to answer. It’s also a very interesting read, as it was to write, though very difficult. And let’s face it, I’ve never had the opportunity to tell the truth face to face. It was always ‘a discussion for another day’ as you intimated a couple of times, Sophie. After 20 years of keeping silent about it this is my input. It’s only fair I have the opportunity.
Before I go ahead I want to remind you that I’ve always asked how your mum is doing at any of the gatherings we’ve had. I’ve never criticised her at any of these gatherings, neither have I joined in on your own criticisms, and have always asked after her welfare. Remember, I knew her when she was 16 and we started going out when she was 18 and I was 19. I also always loved her.
I’m going to start back when Adam was born, there’s no point in going further back at the moment, which I will do shortly in my full detailed and published memoirs.
So 1986, the year of our first born. Your Mum and myself were getting on great and we were chuffed that we were going to be parents. It was quite difficult though as I’d been in my job at SCRI for around two years and the wages weren’t the greatest. Your Mum had also given up her job for parental reasons but we managed, tight as it was. We actually still didn’t have central heating at that point, just the wee fire in the living room and a heater upstairs. The fire that got up my nose, Adam. We plodded along though. The lack of funds, though, really hit home on Adam’s first birthday. We couldn’t afford to buy a substantial present. We were gutted but I nipped into town and bought a Gordon the Gopher puppet with a squeaky mouth. Adam’s first present. As time past I looked for other jobs and had an interview with Kodak in Glasgow and one at Ninewells Hospital, both unsuccessful. I was also working the taxis after my main work. I’d been doing that since 1982, eventually giving up around 1989, if I remember correctly. That wasn’t easy as I disliked not being with your mum on Saturday night.
I’ll not dwell on these times at the moment.
I’ll move on now to 1988, when Stephanie was born. There was no change in my full time work and I was still working the taxis. Your mum obviously hadn’t been working and I can’t remember if she’d gone back to work prior to Stephanie’s birth. Again things were fine, we had a wee break in London with Alan and June and were having good times. I doubt your age at the time will allow you to remember, Stephanie but you puked in my mouth while I was throwing you up and down while myself and your mum were playing with you, while in London. Your mum had a great laugh. Aye, good times. Financially things were tighter though, as we were now a family of four and that led to tensions. Nothing unusual though, the normal tensions young families have on a tight budget. What happened next though wasn’t pleasant.
Over the following year, into 1989, it became obvious Adam and Stephanie were to become a gun against my head. Any differences between your mum and myself and I’d be told she would leave and I’d ‘never see the kids again’. I know you’ll dismiss that, Adam, and maybe it was an idle threat but as a threat like that develops it doesn’t half grind you down. I don’t know what initiated it and why your mum used that tactic. It may have been the bond between mum and daughter and it may not have happened if our second had been a boy, I don’t know, but it was extremely unpleasant and didn’t stop. It became so bad that, around late 1989, I spent three weeks talking to a professional about the situation. As time wore on and you all got older, it eventually became ‘never mind , we’ll get you a new dad’, along with manipulative arms around the shoulder, particularly Stephanie’s. Something you, Adam, disregard, but then it didn’t happen to you. I have a copy of a note, by the way, that your mum left for Stephanie under her pillow pertaining to the ‘new dad’ phrase. Stephanie would have been around 9 at the time the note was left. These tactics, by the way, are known as Parental Alienation. Google it to find out more. I’ve also no doubt it’s still going on. Rather than promote a healthy relationship between us your mum has always been happiest driving a barrier between us, mainly for her own selfish reasons, which will also become apparent later. It was also around this time I visited my GP regarding my mood swings. It may have been around 1990. He prescribed me Seroxat, an anti-depressant. Your mum will remember this as there was a particularly unpleasant side effect of the drug which she graciously helped me overcome.
Over the next few years, though, things seemed to improve. I’d given up the taxis and we were starting to get on our feet. I’d been with SCRI since 1984 and my wages were starting to bump up to a manageable level. In fact let’s quickly move on now to 1993 and Sophie’s birth. I’ll revisit this period later on in the publication.
The period around Sophie’s birth and the ensuing years is an indication of the improvement we’d made financially. When Sophie came along we decided we needed a larger car so we bought the blue Peugeot 405, the one we drove to France in six years later. Now that car cost us £9995, paid at £250 per month over three years, with a deposit. That’s important to know and now that we’ve broached finances let’s talk about the subject for a bit. You mum was also working again, which obviously contributed to our improved lifestyle. We decided to manage the finances with your mum paying the electricity and some shopping and me everything else. We did at one point have one joint account but that didn’t last, as I’ll explain in the full story. You know the reason, Adam. I never knew what your mum was paid by the way. The system suited us and I was happy with what I was left with once the bills had been paid. I didn’t go out much and your mum was happy with the spending money she was left with, basically her wage minus electricity and some odds and ends.
So we now had a family of five, and no more planned. As you all grew up it was apparent we needed a bit more room. Moving was very tempting but your mum liked Inchture, or so she said. It was our special house and your mum and myself had watched it being built, just like you did with yours, Adam. So we decided to extend. It was 1996 and we’d just paid off the car so it tied in fine, albeit we did actually double our mortgage. We were managing though and we all seemed happy. I went and bought my bike that year, which allowed your mum to use the car during the day.
Then WALLOP! 1997, if I remember correctly. I was at work having a chat with a workmate and received a call from your mum, asking me to go down to my parents. Something not good was up. I had my suspicions and went home to Inchture instead. As I got home one of your mum’s best friends came over to say your mum had been having an affair with her husband. That’s right, one of her best friend’s husbands. Now this is an interesting and sad time and I’ll tell you exactly what happened and how this news became apparent. You’ll then, hopefully, understand my anger, how toxic Inchture had become, why I wanted to leave and why your mum was forced to resist leaving.
I can’t remember exactly when this happened but I’m sure it was around the back end of summer 1997. Your mum and myself had gone to a party at the village hall with the usual crowd of neighbours. It was either a Friday or Saturday. I’m pretty sure we walked up with your mum’s friend and her husband. From now on we’ll refer to her husband as Mike. Your mum was quite her boisterous self that night and was having a good time. If I remember correctly there was a karaoke and your mum and a group of her friends were singing and jumping on and off of chairs. As the night wore on your mum got extremely drunk which, as a light drinker is unsurprising. She did, though, get to the stage where she was almost unconscious. This is where things got particularly nasty. I went through to the kitchen and your mum was on her back on a table, a female ‘friend’ we’ll refer to as JP (you know who I mean), ploughing her with drink, bent over her, whispering in her ear. I eventually got your mum and we came home. It was later that week that your mum called me at work, in fact it was the Friday. It turned out JP had been having suspicions about your mum and Mike, having had a thing for him herself. At the party JP took your mum through to the kitchen, laid her on the table and was forcing a confession from your mum. I’m pretty certain JP had been spiking your mum’s drinks. She got her confession and started spreading the word around Inchture on the Monday. What you have to realise here is that your mum and JP were continually at each other’s throats and disliked each other immensely.
Take note, by the way, of the first people your mum approached about her affair. My parents, not her own. Your mum actually told them and myself she couldn’t believe she’d done it. I could understand that sentiment with a one night stand but not a prolonged affair. An affair, by the way, where Mike had been trying to persuade your mum to go and live with him.
I was obviously gutted, particularly your mum putting our family at risk and especially as we were a young family. We both discussed it and got over it though. The whole scenario spoke volumes about the type of place Inchture had become and the type of people your mum had become involved with. The place was extremely toxic. From then on I wanted away from the place.
While on that particular period I’ll address two incidents, both around 1996, maybe into 1997.
As I said I bought my bike in 1996, which enabled your mum to use the car while I was at work. Now and again I would need the car for one reason or another but as you all know I cycled to work the majority of the time.
One evening your mum and I were sitting watching TV. I needed the car the next day and started to discuss it with your mum. Your mum wasn’t for it as she needed it. She became very angry and smashed a glass over my leg. I ended up in A and E at DRI for stitches, the incident being recorded. The nurse wanted me to report it to the police but I refused. The reason for your mum’s anger was that by taking the car I was depriving her of a liason with her friend’s husband.
The second incident was the evening of a night out with SCRI at Bonar Hall. Your mum didn’t want to come, claiming she had a night out with the girls of Inchture. I persuaded her to come but it was only on the condition that she would leave early to go to the other ‘function’. We both agreed. I loved you mum being at the SCRI functions. She left early, one of her friend’s husbands picking her up. It’s not difficult to work out who that was.
Not long after your mum’s affair she discovered she was pregnant. The pregnancy was terminated.
Now before I go any further I did say I would revisit the period prior to Sophie’s birth, and this is an appropriate moment. Somewhere around 1989 - 1993 I suspected your mum of having an affair with another of her friend’s husbands. Someone you all know, particularly Stephanie. Although I had my reasons for my suspicions I didn’t pursue them and basically binned them, not believing your mum would do such a thing. How wrong I was. When JP spread the news of your mum and Mike though, the person I suspected she had her initial affair with made a malicious call to me the week after I found out about your mum and Mike. I don’t know his motive but it was a particularly nasty call and pretty well confirmed my suspicions.
I would love your mum to prove me wrong on that suspected affair and maybe she can. I would also love her to prove me wrong on the rest of what I’ve written but she can’t.
Around 1998 I started looking at houses back in Dundee. In fact, having built the extension and getting the building contacts I did I also looked at building a kit house. We’d added value to our house but the cost of land was prohibitive so moving to somewhere in Dundee was the obvious choice. I organised a few viewings, which you might remember, but your mum wasn’t keen on a move. She claimed it was because she liked our house and, don’t get me wrong, so did I. Given the events of the past, though, I was unhappy and, in reality, your mum should have held her hands up and realised that we no longer belonged in Inchture. I wanted to move for the sake of our family as a whole.
Realise though, that neither the house, nor a liking for a village that no longer held anything for us, wasn’t why your mum wanted to stay. I’ll get to the reason soon.
Let’s motor on to 1999. We put the last few years behind us and not once did I throw it in your mum’s face. We got on with life, had a good family and I loved your mum and she did me. At least she said she did. This is the year we went to France, our first foreign holiday as a family. As I’m sure you’ll remember, it was a good holiday, with highlights like playing Cluedo in the tent, the French lass in the restaurant in St Malo who took a shine to Sophie and the discovery of the McFlurry, yet to be introduced into Scotland. Not to forget Manchester United winning the European Cup. That was a great holiday.
Moving on, let’s hit 2000. I still have a 2000 tie pin your mum gave me from you all. This was the year I started to really get restless at my work. I’d been at SCRI for 17 years and had been moved into graphics, which was fine but not what I wanted to do. I’d built up a good wedding photography business, part time, and had a good amount of bookings for the next three years. Time to enquire about voluntary redundancy, which was an opportunity that came around on a yearly basis. I enquired and was offered £11,000. Not a lot and certainly not worth considering. Fair enough though, I carried on booking weddings and did a few portrait jobs, booking the Inchture village hall to use as a studio, still working at SCRI. We plodded along and three cats later it was time to enquire about redundancy again.
2001, I went to see our personnel manager again. She’d actually suggested last year that I enquire again in a year’s time. This time I was offered much, much more. Given the success I was having with my weddings this was an opportunity to grasp. And I did. I started working my one month notice. Things were to get better though. I was sitting at my desk eating lunch one day, flicking through the British Journal of Photography and saw an advert for the portrait studio franchise. Now this was a company I’d read about several years prior and I realised it was a growing company. I applied and was offered an interview down at the flagship studio in Shipley. From the few hundred who applied I was one of four chosen to open one of the studios. This was a great opportunity and one that, as a couple and then as a family, had never come our way. I was delighted but your mum was flat. As an indication of the significance of this, when I ended my time with SCRI I was earning £18,000 pa. £4000 below the Dundee average at the time. The studio franchise was giving me £25,000 pa plus dividends estimated at £50,000, giving a yearly income of £75,000. And your mum was flat. No excitement. All would become apparent soon though.
There’s a lot going on in this period so you’ll find I might go back and forth a bit and at the moment, having mentioned cats, I’ll go back to late 2000, early 2001. I can’t remember exactly when but it was not long after your mum got the third cat from the chap she worked beside, known as Vic. You may remember the timescale yourselves. I was sitting in the house one evening, a Thursday I’m certain, watching the TV premier of Starship Troopers. Your mum was upstairs reading. As I watched the invasion force deployed to Klendathu to battle the Arachnids, the house phone rang and I answered. It was Vic, obviously drunk, and crying, looking to speak to your mum. I humoured him for a bit then told him where to go. When I went to bed I quizzed your mum over why he might be calling. She said something like ‘Och, he’ll be sitting in a pub lonely and drunk’. Now when you’ve been with someone for over twenty years you know when they’re lying and when your mum lies she often starts her sentence with a dismissive ‘Och’. You may have notice it yourselves. I had suspected something was going on though, as she had been coming home late in the mornings from work, giving excuses of road blockages, diversions and snow. Not only that though, Vic’s partner eventually started calling me asking me to keep your mum away from him. She’d been following them, finding them parked up in secluded areas. These calls carried on for months. At least she wasn’t a best friend of your mum, which was a change of tactic, probably a lesson learned from the bad experience several years earlier.
Ok, now that’s out of the way let’s get back to the studio franchise. I initially wanted to base the studio in Dundee but having discussed with my business partner, one of the franchise owners, it was apparent the place to make a considerable amount of money was in England, particularly the larger cities. I was then offered Newcastle as a site to open. I had a think about it and asked if I could have Sheffield, one of the largest and most densely populated areas in England, taking in Doncaster and Rotherham. Also very affluent. It was an area reasonably familiar to us all and one of your mum’s closest friends stayed there, as you know.
I’m going to put this into perspective for you now and, Adam, you know exactly what I’m talking about, having worked for a bit with me in Aberdeen and having met a few of the English studio owners. Keep in mind I started with the franchise in May 2001 and finished in November 2006. Five years, not a long time. Had we taken the opportunity I’d have opened the studio by September or October of 2001, just as my training colleagues did. As a family we’d have started house hunting, maybe taking six months to a year to find a house and sell our house in Inchture. Schooling wouldn’t have been an issue. As you well know Adam, the English studios were flyers. In Sheffield we would have averaged around £90,000 in sales per month, likely more. That’s £1,080,000 per year. The profit across the studios was at least 11%, depending on various costs including building lease. The lease of a building in England, by the way, was much lower than those in the cities in Scotland. I know of one studio who managed a 15% profit. Of £1,080,000 sales the profit would be £118,800. Of that £118,800 around £20,000 would go into the studio, leaving £98,800. That £98,800 would then be split 50/50 between myself and my business partner, giving us £49,400 each. Add that to my £25,000 wages and we’re talking £74,400 annually. Minus the usual deductions of course. These figures are conservative as when Sheffield did open it performed much better. I knew the owner and was very good friends with the studio manager. At my interview for the franchise we were all told that, given a good area, we would earn at least £75,000 per year. Let’s put this into perspective. At SCRI I was earning £18,000 in 2001. The franchise paid me £7,000 more per year. We managed to extend our house and buy a car on my SCRI wage. Moving to Sheffield wouldn’t have cost much more in mortgage than Inchture did. We’d have been able to live off of the £25,000 earned with the franchise, even if your mum had decided not to look for work. Around £39,000 would then have gone into the bank, taking into account deductions. Over five years, given that I’d still left in 2006, that would have been £195,000 banked. Now, a studio with that level of profit would be worth around £1.2 million. That’s a fact. That would be another £600,000 in the bank on selling my share. A total of £795,000 banked over five years is pretty good business. Now think about these figures, particularly having had to save for house deposits and currently weddings. When I took on the franchise I was looking at family security. Why would your mum refuse to move house when given an opportunity for such a huge improvement in lifestyle? A huge investment in her family? An opportunity that would give lifelong security. A mortgage paid off and money in the bank. We’d spent twenty married years struggling and then we get this huge opportunity that your mum refuses. It was a no brainer for me. Of course it was a decision for both of us to make but who in their right mind would refuse such an opportunity? You might suggest the three of you were settled at school. No excuse, you would settle at another one, just like your friends over the road did when they moved to Stoke-On-Trent. It wouldn’t be an easy move but right now you’d all be more than appreciating it. Look at these figures again and consider the amounts banked even at half of these indicators. Still almost £400,000 banked.
What was she thinking? Unfortunately your mum had absolutely no foresight nor care for the future security of her family. We’ll get to the reason for that and her reluctance to move home shortly.
Firstly it’s important to go back to around 1994/95 and an allegation involving your mum. I’m not sure exactly when but I know Sophie was at the crawling stage. I want to give you a little bit of our history first. Your mum and I started going out in 1979 and were married in 1982. In the years between I introduced your mum to two of my aunties, Joy and Hazel, sisters of your grandad. We would give them visits on random evenings and your mum became very close to them. I was already close to them. They’d always treated myself and brothers very well and as they grew closer to your mum, treated her as they treated me. They would always acknowledge birthdays and Christmases for us both. Unfortunately Joy passed away, having suffered from cancer. We carried on visiting Hazel and your mum and her became very close friends, as you know. That made the following incident all the more difficult for Hazel.
Your mum had gone to visit Hazel one day, taking Sophie. While sitting downstairs your mum and Hazel realised Sophie had crawled away and climbed upstairs. Your mum went upstairs looking for her and wandered into Hazel’s bedroom where there was a considerable amount of electricity stamps lying on a unit. They went missing and Hazel alleged your mum took them. As I said earlier your mum took responsibility for our electricity bill and regularly bought electricity stamps. I don’t know if Hazel had words with your mum or if she kept quiet, I never found out. Much as I would like to disbelieve your mum would do such a thing it’s difficult not to, considering what was to come and what I’d witnessed in the past.
Back to 2001. When I bought my photography equipment, several years earlier, to carry out photographing weddings, the way I funded it was through 0% interest credit cards. I bought the equipment using a credit card with six months 0% finance. Once the six months was up I would take another out and then another until the equipment was paid off at no extra cost via interest, transferring the balance each time. I rarely, if ever, used the cards for other purchases and once they’d served their purpose stored them in a drawer in my desk in the dining area. In 2001 I noticed my statements started coming through printed on plain white paper, rather than the corporate designs of the bank the credit card belonged to. I never took much notice of my statements as I never used the cards. They’d served their purpose. I’d started my training with the studio franchise by then so was only home from Thursday to Saturday weekly. One of the days I was home the mail came through the door and your mum made a beeline to get it and took an envelope addressed to me. She stuck it in her pocket and acted as if it was a joke. She eventually gave me the envelope, which was a statement but I didn’t take much notice, as I had no suspicions at the time, and filed it. Eventually an original statement did come through and by chance I got it before your mum did. I did have a good read of this one as there were a fair amount of transactions on it and the account was in debt. I called the credit card companies and asked them to send me all the originals, which they did. Looking at the transactions on the originals I realised they were made at ATMs throughout Perthshire. All places your mum was working in nursing homes. There were also amounts made to catalogues such as Freeman’s. I confronted your mum and she admitted it. It amounted to £5000 of fraud. Rather than report it I paid it off for her. I remember her coming to me asking what was going to happen. I told her we’d have to put it behind us. The next time you’re shouting about money by the way, Adam, you’re welcome to that £5000 if you have the courage to talk to your mum about it.
What your mum had been doing was intercepting my mail, taking the credit card statements, cutting out the parts where her fraudulent spends were, taping the statements back together, photocopying them and putting them back into the envelopes for me to open.
Let’s have a little break from the fraud for a bit as I’d like to address the period that included your mum’s fortieth and me starting my training with the studio franchise. Now your mum had claimed that her close friends and at least one of her sisters got together to pay for a holiday away to Spain for her fortieth. You may know better but I don’t believe she went with her friends. There were never any photographs of the holiday that I saw but the following will explain my mistrust. My first week of training with the studio franchise coincided with your mum’s holiday to Spain. It wasn’t easy as I wasn’t particularly wanting to spend time away from you all. In fact one of the lads I trained with continually called me miserable as I was missing you all. It was the first time we’d all been separated. Plus something was obviously going on. I stayed in a wee bed and breakfast in Shipley, on the top floor and remember trying to contact your mum on the day she was to have returned from holiday. There was never an answer. When I came home on the Thursday she gave me a bottle of wine and a leather belt she ‘brought home’ but couldn’t look me in the eye. She made the excuse that I couldn’t contact her as they’d all managed to secure an extra day’s holiday. Now when was the last time a holiday company allowed that to happen? I believe she went away with Vic and not her friends. If she did go with friends, I believe on her return she went and stayed with Vic until I came home from Shipley, dumping you three at your grandparents. It would be interesting to know if you have ever seen evidence of that holiday. Something to bear in mind, by the way, is that most of the friends she claims spent a considerable amount of money to take her on holiday are now former friends.
As you are aware, my pattern of work while training at Shipley was to drive down on Saturday evening and back on either Wednesday evening or Thursday morning. While I was away it turned out your mum was dumping you all on your grandparents, whatever ones were handy, and having days out with Vic. I know this as I was in the training studio one day and received a call from someone very close to your mum, telling me what was going on. It was shortly after this that I started receiving calls from Vic’s partner. I gave up on your mum then, hence someone else eventually came along.
I’m going to move into 2002, the year of the World Cup in Japan and Korea. Your mum was still staying in Inchture. I’d finished my training at Shipley and was in the process of sourcing a building in Aberdeen to use as a studio. Your mum came up to Aberdeen with me one day to have a premises search. It was a good day, we went for a bar lunch and had a good time. Eventually we pinpointed a building which I later leased and started the studio fit out.
Now starting a business entails a variety of financial and banking transactions including new business accounts, leases, car leasing and borrowing. With all that comes credit checks and with credit checks comes downfalls if all is not in order. Your mum knew that of course and for a while now her buttocks had been getting a tad squeaky, hence her lack of enthusiasm at our impending financial improvement.
This next bit is important and carries a lot of evidence. I was at home one day and received a call from the leasing company dealing with the lease of my company car. They had carried out a credit check and couldn’t lease me the car. They told me I had a bank loan for £10,000 with The Royal Bank of Scotland and had never paid an instalment. I didn’t have a bank loan. My credit score was spot on. It had to be a mistake. I told them I’d call the bank to find out what was going on. I called the bank and, right enough, I had taken out a loan for £10,000, never paying any of the instalments. Had I forgotten? Was I losing my mind? Was I doing daft things due to all the stresses? I didn’t think so. I asked the bank to send me the paperwork, which they did. Sure enough there was a bank loan for £10,000, taken out in my name. The silly thing was the documentation wasn’t signed by me. My name was written in your mum’s handwriting. Not only that, the witness signature on the documentation was Suzanne. I called the bank and told them it wasn’t my ‘signature’, which they should have checked in the first place. You may not be aware but in these days when taking out a bank account it was necessary to give your signature which was kept on file to prevent fraud. Maybe it still happens, I don’t know.
It’s important to know I didn’t tell them it was your mum. It’s also important to know that the first person they would suspect and investigate is your mum. It’s always the spouse.
Let’s give a few lines to Suzanne’s witness signature. I have two trains of thought here. Either Suzanne was party to the fraud or your mum dumped on her from a great height, making her believe it was my loan she was witnessing. I know they were best of friends and I believe Suzanne would have had a great deal of influence over your mum getting into huge debt, knowingly or otherwise, given what I’ve been told. I’m not so sure Suzanne would have knowingly committed fraud though. Suzanne, I hear, is another of your mum’s best friends she no longer talks to. One of the best friends who apparently took her to Spain. Doesn’t it make you wonder?
I don’t know how your mum got away with the fraud, or if indeed she did. I spoke to the police and told them I didn’t want charges brought but they said it had nothing to do with me as it was the bank she stole from, not me, hence they were bringing the charges. I assume she must have somehow been able to raise the £10,000 and pay it back. Or maybe she does have a criminal record, I never found out. I do think the bank should have taken some responsibility as they should have checked the signature and the funds should never have been handed over in the first place. Your mum was very lucky. Fraud of that level could amount to a jail sentence. What I find particularly galling is the fact that your mum doesn’t appreciate the fact that this was her second case of fraud. There was the original £5,000 credit card fraud. £15,000 fraud is a serious amount. What she doesn’t appreciate is that had I not paid off her original £5,000 credit card fraud and instead reported it, she would have, without a doubt, ended up with a hefty fine, community service order or likely a jail sentence for two counts of fraud. Think about that and let it sink in. And by the way Adam, that’s £5000 I’ll never see again. I shudder to think what you’d have done in my position.
When I found out about the £10,000 fraud I spoke to your mum about it. She claimed she did it for her brother, so he could get double glazing.
On top of the £15,000 fraud your mum was also in a serious amount of debt, to the point she took out a trust deed. If you don’t know what a trust deed is have a search online. I know her debt amounted to at least a further £15,000 and possibly more, even up to and beyond £30,000. You may know yourselves.
So here we have it, the fraud and the debt is the reason your mum had to leave and she left shortly after I found out about the loan. She had to leave because she had to eventually force the sale of our family home to help pay her debt. Not only that but that’s the sole reason she didn’t want to move house several years earlier. Had we sold up then we’d never have secured another mortgage for another house due to her fraudulent activity, her bad credit and the bad credit she bestowed on me. That’s why she was so flat when I took my redundancy and took on the studio franchise. That’s why we couldn’t move to Sheffield and improve our lives to such an extent that you, Adam, wouldn’t be crying over money. That’s why you all had to save up your own deposits to buy houses. That’s why you’ll likely stress over the cost of getting married. Don’t underestimate the long term effect your mum’s complete lack of foresight and lying and stealing had on us all, particularly now when very few of us have a financial safety net.
She knew her time was up and she was on the verge of being found out. Sounds dramatic but she was very worried by the beginning of the 2000s. Look at what she had to hide. At least two affairs, very possibly three, £15,000 bank and credit card fraud and a heap of debt which held her family back. On top of that an unwanted pregnancy she claimed was mine. Plus one other issue I won’t mention here but affects us all. And you, Adam, got violently angry at trivia on Father’s day. How angry would you have been in my shoes, finding out that your mum had stolen thousands and worked up so much debt that she prevented us from moving into a vastly superior lifestyle? A lifestyle you, Adam, witnessed was possible. Is your blood boiling yet? Mine is. It’s not nice writing this. Rotten to the core.
This is when your mum left. I said goodbye to her one morning, went to Aberdeen and came back to a delivery of large boxes in the living room. She couldn’t even have them delivered to the garage for me. Twenty years of loving and she shafted us all. Not just me, us all. I appreciate she made it difficult for herself with mistake after mistake and lie after lie to hide these mistakes but at some point she should have held her hands up. An affair and £5000 of credit card fraud takes a lot of forgiving, particularly when I paid for that initial fraud to enable us to move on. But I forgave. And we moved on to the discovery of a £10,000 bank loan fraud and another affair. Not to mention my suspicions over an earlier affair. That’s a lot to take in and a lot not to be bitter and depressed about.
Yes, rotten to the core.
Throughout the summer of 2002 I was back and forth to Aberdeen, overseeing the studio fit out and holding exhibitions in preparation for opening the studio. It took a bit of time to get planning permission as it was a listed building so we had to apply through Historic Scotland, which took an age. Due to that we had to put the opening off until October of 2022.
During this time I was still speaking to your mum. She felt it necessary to take control of me seeing Sophie though, making my working in Aberdeen an excuse. However, we were still getting on. It’s important to remember I’d swept the £10,000 fraud under the carpet as it was no longer my issue. The studio was taking shape and one Thursday on my way home from Aberdeen I called your mum to go in to see Sophie. I think we may have arranged it earlier. When there we were having a decent and emotional chat and I asked her to come and see the studio. She wanted to and we agreed we would go up to Aberdeen the following Thursday as a family. This is important as we don’t know how things would have developed from there. Also, I was putting in the past all that your mum had done. What happened next was unexpected.
On the Monday or Tuesday your mum was arrested for the £10,000 fraud. I’ve no doubt she was fingerprinted and kept in a cell for a while. Not a pleasant experience. It may have been the following day she called me. Or maybe I called her as a policeman had come and told me she’d been charged. She was obviously upset on the phone and I remember her asking how I could do that to her after twenty years. I want to get something straight here. I did nothing to get your mum arrested. She did it herself. I told the bank I didn’t take out the loan, not who did. What to bear in mind, though, is your mum was happy to walk away and leave me with a loan of £10,000, no repayments having been made, the consequence being me having to give up the studio franchise due to an inability to borrow due to a poor credit score. Or, of course, forking out £250 per month to pay for a loan on her behalf, having watched her ruin our family. Oh, and all after twenty years. I wasn’t taking responsibility for that loan, like I did for her with the £5,000 fraud. And bear in mind, within that twenty years your mum had at least two affairs, possibly three, an unwanted pregnancy, along with committing fraud. By then she should have held her hands up as there was no way out for her apart from me bailing her out again and paying for her brother’s double glazing. That wasn’t happening.
That arrest, by the way, is why your mum no longer talks to me. Plain, simple and undeniable. It’s so sad that she perpetuates bitterness and blame borne from her own illicit actions.
What happened next is despicable. I’m sure, Stephanie and Sophie, you remember the night I came home from Aberdeen and met you both in the shop in Invergowrie. I tried talking to you and you walked away. I put my hand on your shoulder, Stephanie. You went home and your mum asked if I had touched you and you told her I had. I know that, as it was either the police or Adam who told me. I was then charged with assault. We all know what happened next. Your mum felt it appropriate that she force her 9 year old and 14 year old daughters into court to testify against their dad. That was pure and vindictive revenge for her arrest, an arrest she blamed me for. She used you both. What kind of mum would do that to her daughters? When I went back to court to have my name cleared the judge remembered the two young girls standing in court six months earlier, his disgust being obvious.
All of that plus affairs and fraud. The stuff Eastenders is made of.
Talking of affairs, here is a wee story that says it all. As explained, your mum had an affair with her best friend’s husband in the mid 1990s, which you all know of. Possibly her second affair. In 2000-01 she had an affair with Vic. She sent a letter to my parents in late 2001 accusing me of having an affair with the woman I eventually met, who came along after you mum’s two (or three) affairs, and pregnancy. This she used in the divorce. The three of you know that. You’ll have to give me a talk about respect again some day Adam.
So here we are, the three of you turning your backs on me and, worse, your grandparents. Even given your perception of what happened on that Father’s Day you have absolutely no reason to do what you have done. Taking into account the fact you were all still talking to me several months after that day, particularly you Adam, and right through September, I don’t believe that day is the sole reason for this petty huffing. Something has to have been said, maybe when you all went away to Inverness. Let’s hope there was nothing defamatory. Maybe there was a bust up among yourselves, I don’t know. It wouldn’t surprise me though, taking into account the fall outs your mum and her family have had over the years. Fall outs you all witnessed. Which makes it all the more two faced when you consider you didn’t half criticise them all with their current situation, Adam. And here you are now. From your aggressive phone call though Adam, it was likely over money. About that call by the way, everything you said about me you’ve said about your mum. ‘She’s lazy and won’t work’, ‘retired too early, always broke’, ‘won’t get a part time job’. Yet all is rosy there with you and her. I’m sorry to say you don’t half come across as two faced. Bear in mind you came to me when you were 18, asking me to hurry and get a house as you ‘hated your mum’. I turned you round from that remember. You hated her as she was charging you £30 per week for board. Or was it £60? I can’t remember. I charged you nothing, while you drunk and gambled as much as you liked. Of course, you took out that loan to help with the mortgage after your return after your failed attempt at living with your school friend. Like me, you experienced being on the wrong end of stealing, albeit on a very much lower level. You’d think you’d understand, eh? When that friendship failed you didn’t have to come back to stay with me, you knew my financial position and your mum would have welcomed you back, albeit at around £80 per week. I would have managed without your input, I always do, as my current situation proves. By the way, that phone call wasn’t you talking, that was a conversation that had been drummed into you. You wouldn’t have talked like that without influence. Oh, and talking about failed friendships, where do you think that trait comes from?
By the way Adam, you were highly critical of me working part time at Tesco and trying to get studio work. That’s my decision, you have no right to input on that. Just like I didn’t input on you wasting £1500 on a plumbing course that you got fed up with. I’m going to say one last thing about your two faces. When you stayed with me you would ask me, on a Saturday, to give you a lift out to Inchture. I would drop everything, without fail, and take you. A couple of times I asked you to take me along the Perth road to Mennies. You refused. Then when you moved out you excluded me from everything, inviting the mum you hated.
It’s a sad story and it’s a disgrace that the three of you have taken sides, particularly when you look at the lack of criticism you’ve given your mum. She was selfish. She didn’t build up the amount of debt she did in a short period of time. That took years. Just like it took us years to have our first foreign holiday. I wonder why that was? Our second foreign holiday was courtesy of my redundancy. Not once did she think about the effects on her family of her lying, stealing and cheating. Do you realise that when she left I don’t think she took one photograph of the three of you when you were young? I have them all here. That’s how much the memory of you all means to her. Let’s not forget she was also a huge factor in the ruin of two marriages, her own and Lorraine’s, with, no doubt, a considerable contribution to the downward spiral of a child from one of those marriages. Oh, and the possible ruin of a partnership (Vic’s missus wasn’t at all happy).
Now I’m sure the three of you will consider this letter an attack on your mum. It’s not. It’s an explanation of the truth and how it, and the consequences, can lead to anger, depression and resentment. I really do hope you’ve been able to disregard the obsequious nature of your relationship with your mum and read it without any prejudices. This letter does, after all, address all of our current situations and the long term consequences of your mum’s subterfuge on all of our relationships and lives. It addresses an opportunity we, as a family, were lucky enough to get but couldn’t take, as a family, due to your mum’s debt and theft. An opportunity we got after 19 years of, for most of the time, a financially difficult marriage. An opportunity that I doubt any of you will ever get to secure your lives financially. Certainly not at that level. I’d put money on you all jumping at such an opportunity right now. Very few marriages would survive one affair, let alone multiple affairs and fraudulent activity. It’s also an explanation of the disappointment I have in the three of you and the disgust that you’ve taken sides without knowing the full story. All very pathetic. As I said earlier, Sophie has, on several occasions, also said, ‘that’s a discussion for another day’. That day never comes, though and I’m sure you’ve given you mum plenty of scope to discuss. Well this is my input to the discussion. It’s my life too.
What disappoints me most though, is that you’ve taken the trait of falling out at a whim, just as you have witnessed with your mum and her siblings, a trait you were all highly critical of, having witnessed the current situation with them all. It’s a trait I witnessed many times. Your mum and her closest school friend. Two years they went without talking to each other. Not necessarily your mum’s fault. Your mum and her own mum. Regularly. In fact my parents took your mum in when she was thrown out of the house before we were married. Your mum and JP (yes that JP). Regular fallouts. Your mum and Suzanne. I have my theories on that one, having spoken to Suzanne years ago. Your mum and the woman named Anne. Your mum and her sisters. Regularly and likely permanently. Your mum and Lorraine, probably her best friend at that particular time. You don’t stay friends once you have an affair with your best friend’s husband. Your mum and Hazel, as explained. You mum and me. I suppose I should say that was always going to happen considering her lying, stealing and cheating. But, even after her lying, stealing and cheating, it wasn’t me who fell out, it was her.
Which brings me to a conversation I had with you last year Adam. You were having differences with Shep and you told me you wouldn’t think twice about turning your back on him. A childhood friend. Your oldest friend. I hope you sorted your differences out.
The danger with the fallout trait is that eventually you’ll fall out with the one closest to you, just as your mum did. The likelihood is one of you will do it, just as you witnessed your mum do it many times with her friends and then myself. Just as her and her siblings have done.
I know what I’ve written has a mix of light heartedness, gravity and anger but in all seriousness think about what’s written here. It’s all true, with evidence your mum left behind. It’s taken me 20 years to address it and, to be honest, had it not been for the last year and a bit I’d probably have let it lie. Enough is enough though. I’ve watched your mum getting ‘married’ again and Sophie and Stephanie missing me out on their graduations. I’ve missed Sophie’s engagement and I’ve no doubt I’ll miss your marriages. Not easy for a father to accept. All due to the fact your mum fell out with me because she stole a lot of money and can’t accept the fact that it was her own actions that led to her arrest.
Not only that but there’s the effect it’s had on your grandparents, the lack of support you gave your gran and myself while your grandad was seriously ill in hospital. Even after I’d informed you, Stephanie. They, did, though, have the support of their other grandkids for his final days in hospital, the grandkids who do care. The ones who came along after their first grandkids, Adam and Stephanie.
Maybe you’re right Adam, maybe I should have turned my back on your mum all those years ago, having discovered she’d spent all my wages, as I explained to you on the phone. Turned my back just like like you would do. Then again, I loved your mum and I don’t turn my back on people, as you know. I have better morals. Remember, if I had turned my back on your mum you three wouldn’t be here petty huffing and turning your backs on myself and your grandparents. I suppose I made a rod for my own back.
This is a lengthy story and only a small part of the whole. I’m going to publish detailed memoirs which will also include the happy times. And, believe me, there are many happy times, times the three of you were involved in. And times that were solely about myself and your mum, going right back to 1979. Unfortunately what your mum did beggars belief and doesn’t half put a damper on our lives.
You’ll be able to keep up with the memoirs at www.19682.co.uk, giving you all the opportunity to get in touch and correct any inaccuracies as they’re written.
One thing I will say to you Adam. Never mock depression again, it’s not a pleasant experience.
By the way, if this has anything to do with your money, Stephanie, I asked you to contact me to discuss. There’s not much I can do without bank details. None of the three of you have the slightest clue as to the position I’ve been in for the last year. Rather than turning your backs you should have come to me to discuss whatever happened. Another opportunity came along and I jumped at it, just like your mum should have done in 2001, had her stealing and debt not made it impossible.
Finally, there’s one question, among others, that this letter brings to light. It’s tormented me for many years. You may have sussed it yourselves. I’ve always ignored it and pushed it to the back of my mind, thinking, ‘na, surely not’. But an event, written about earlier, confirmed that it is very possible. It’s an easy question to have answered, I just have to pluck up the courage to want it answered. I’m getting there and it’s going to be very uncomfortable for us all.
It’s been very therapeutic writing this and, as I say, from a personal point of view I needed to do it for my own sanity, considering the depression I was suffering and still do on occasion. It’s taken a long time to address it but I did it on the back of advice and a lot of thought. Reading this I’m sure you’ll all understand the reasons behind the depression, taking into particular account the life we all should have been living beyond 2006.
Lots of love,
Dad
