Adam

I was working from home when I received a visit from the police. They told me that a male member of my family had asked them to ask me not to visit him.I asked who the person was. The police told me they couldn’t tell me, which I felt was odd considering I have other male members of my family. Was I to ignore all the male members of my family for fear of being arrested? Or was that just police incompetence?Anyway, I assumed it would be Adam.

In the summer of 2023, after I’d written a letter to Adam he admitted that it was him. Shockingly though, he admitted he called the police to protect himself from his own violent temper. That is a man frightened by his own psychopathic tendencies.

Let’s address the letter I sent to Adam in 2023. It was a letter addressing much of what you will read on this website. He subsequently sent copies to his sisters, which I hoped he would.A couple of days prior to sending the letter my brother called Adam to let him know his grandad was in Victoria Hospital and not doing well. I don’t know exactly what was said during that conversation but one thing my brother commented on was that what Adam said during the conversation wasn’t Adam talking. As my brother told me ‘He was repeating what someone had said to him. I wasn’t Adam talking’. I know Adam and my brother knows Adam.

The day after Adam received the letter he came to Victoria Hospital. He was pleasant and we had a good chat. He made a comment on the letter which I will get to in a second but first of all the following is one of the last texts Adam sent to me. ‘I don’t want any more phone calls…. If I want to contact you I will until then leave me alone… I’m never going to agree with you so a conversation in any way is pointless.’

He’s never going to agree with me. And yet, his comment on the letter I sent was ‘I agree with most of what is in the letter’. And what was in the letter is what is written here. The difference being, I’ve posted evidence here.

In October 2023 Adam came to see me as I was going through a bad time mentally. We spent an hour or so talking, during which he made the statement ‘I know mum’s a liar, she is also a very bitter woman’. I also made the comment ‘Stephanie was brought up top hate me’. He not only agreed with that comment but agreed to having witnessed it. He can’t disagree with that, I know he witnessed it. I was there, watching him looking on. He was a child.

So how can Adam disagree with me when he has blatantly told me he does?

In that same conversation we spoke at length about his mum and I mentioned the fact that she had been violently abused by her own father, who would make her and her siblings kneel on marbles and beads. Adam was shocked. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it to him but that violence is integral to Sandra’s sociopathy and her manipulation and grooming of Stephanie.

Adam left and said he would come back in two days. He didn’t come back so I called him and he told me he was sick of my lies. He was referring to me telling him about his grandad. Yes, it's difficult to hear that your grandfather was violently abusive, and he’s likely approached his mum about it. And she’s likely told him that I am lying. But, excepting Sandra, there are four witnesses to the fact that Adam's grandfather was violently abusive to his mum and her siblings.

I should add here that Adam can be extremely moody, especially when his reality is being challenged.

He is also one of the most two faced people you will ever have the misfortune to meet.

Let’s go back to the phone call that started this chapter. Why would Adam be so angry? Angry to the point of psychopathy? Physically violent to the point of using the police to protect himself from his own violent temper.

Money? Really? Is he really that shallow?

No. He’s not. I know Adam.

That type of anger was a son having been told, ‘Your dad’s a rapist’, ‘Your dad’s a paedophile’, ‘Your dad’s a serial killer’. That was anger directed at someone who has done something heinous.

You don’t get psychopathically angry to the point of needing protection from the police, of using the police, because of a disagreement.

And therein lies my biggest issue with Adam and his sisters. None of them have told me what I’ve done wrong. All Adam has said is ‘You brought it on yourself’. And what he means by that is, in a conversation early in 2021 he told me I should have walked away from Sandra years ago. When I discovered she is a thief. Long before the births of Adam, Stephanie and Sophie.

This issue began around August 2021, when Sandra and her partner (she says husband but as far as I know they aren’t married), Adam and his partner, Stephanie and possibly her partner and Sophie and her partner, had a long weekend in Inverness. The indications are that something was said, possibly by Sandra and very likely something that incurred the psychopathic wrath of Adam. I may never know what was said or discussed but what I do know is that Adam is a coward. Too cowardly to tell the truth.

In fact to sum Adam up, a phrase I heard several times in April 2024 when the subject of Adam was discussed was ‘Adam needs to grow a pair’. Once uttered by a member of my family and once by one of Adam’s friends. very appropriate.

Days in Aberdeen

My studio in Aberdeen studio opened in 2002. After leaving college Adam would travel up to the studio with me to do some work around the studio. Cleaning the studio after a session, little errands etc. He became part of the studio team and I would pay him.

He would come out with us to our nights out during the festive season etc. He would have much of his entertainment paid for.

He travelled down to Birmingham with the studio team to one of the organisation dinner dances, flights and drinks paid for.

He was a mate.

Adam is a man who has proven he lacks integrity and is extremely duplicitous.

A message for Adam

Adam will unlikely read this, he’s too cowardly, but here’s a message for him just in case.

The next time you’re considering calling someone a wanker, turn your phone camera onto yourself and have a good long look. That way the image of a true king sized wanker will forever be ingrained in you mind.

Stephanie

A close family friend, someone who has know Sandra and myself for a very long time, recently said to me ‘Your troubles started when you had kids’.

That’s true to an extent but the sad reality is our troubles started not lang after the birth of Stephanie.

My biggest mistake wasn’t marrying Sandra, we got on great and had a great laugh together.

My biggest mistake was having kids with her. Having children gave Sandra a shotgun that was rarely away from my head.

And that shotgun was never more prevalent in Sandra’s use, manipulation and mental domestic abuse of Stephanie.

As Stephanie grew older Sandra began her alienation process, often pulling Stephanie to the side, whispering in her ear.

It was obvious Sandra was grooming Stephanie and bringing her up to hate me, acknowledged by Adam when we talked in October 2023.

Having studied and tried to understand the whole process it became obvious that Sandra is a covert, malignant narcissist and her tactics with Stephanie are triangulation.

Triangulation is a toxic behaviour where a person (Sandra in this case) uses threats of exclusion or manipulation with the intention to divide and dominate.

This manipulation often involves misleading communication behind one’s back (In Sandra’s case, my back).

The following note I found under Stephanie’s pillow one evening Sandra had gone to work and I was seeing the kids to bed. Stephanie would have been around nine or ten years old. I don’t think Stephanie ever saw the note as a child. The note is testimony to the hatred being promoted throughout our young family.

Sandra was using Stephanie to create a hostile environment. She was promoting and encouraging hatred, and to this day she continues to do so, her attitude antagonised by her arrest for fraud in 2002, which she blames me for.

Sandra’s grooming of Stephanie is no different from the serious grooming of kids you see in the news. It is evil, with long lasting and severely damaging intent.

I was never able to build a relationship with Stephanie due to Sandra’s manipulation.

As Stephanie became older Sandra would tell her, and Adam and Sophie, ‘We will get you a new dad’.

I spoke to a legal professional recently about another related matter and we touched on the grooming of Stephanie. The view was that Stephanie would deny having been groomed. My answer to that is, of course she will deny it, she is, after all, a product of Sandra’s grooming and manipulation.

The affect of Sandra's arrest

After our separation Stephanie assisted me on a few weddings and when the studio opened in Aberdeen came up for a day to help out and meet the team.

I don’t think our separation had much of an affect on Stephanie as she had been manipulated, groomed and brought up with the expectation that she would eventually get a ‘new dad’. All of our kids were.

Sandra’s arrest for fraud changed everything though. Our divorce was dirty and bitter, Sandra doing everything she could to exact revenge, including lying to the court via her solicitor.

Stephanie stopped talking to me for several years after our divorce. She was staying with her mother though, where the manipulation would continue.

Speaking again

I can’t remember exactly when but I asked Stephanie if she would meet me for a coffee. It may have been around 2012, maybe a bit later. We met in Henry’s coffee shop and had a good chat.

Ever since then things had been fine. We spent time at the cinema of various occasions, with Sophie. We spent time at Adam's house. We messaged on What's App, messages attached. 

Yes, I'm at a loss as to what happened around October 2021.

Sophie

Torture

I've lived for 33 years, and counting, not knowing who Sophie's father is.

Sophie was conceived while I was sterile due to medication. Sandra had lost weight at the time, through the worry of being caught having an affair with her friend's husband. Her pregnancy, according to her, was the result of being vulnerable due to weight loss (she claimed she was unwell - she wasn't) and that 'a wee bit must have got through'.

Sophie was conceived either after Sandra's affair with one of her friend's husbands and prior to her affair with her best friend's husband. Or both of these affairs were concurrent. That is something I don't know and likely never will. The husband from the first affair did call me after Sandra's second affair was revealed to give Sandra and myself some abuse. It was all very strange. 

The reality is that Sophie doesn't know who her natural dad is. I don't know for certain but I have my suspicions, which you can read about elsewhere on the site. On the other hand it doesn't really matter who her birth dad is anyway as she was always told she would get a new one.

One thing is for certain. Given Sandra's promiscuity and the fact Sophie was born either in between two of Sandra's affairs or during two affairs it is unlikely she knows who Sophie's dad is.

Can you imagine child from a very young age and for the rest of their young life being told they would get a new dad. First hand experience shows me that the damage that does is very obvious. It's long lasting, not only for me but for the kids.It takes an extremely evil, narcissistic and sociopathic person to act in such a manner. Neither Adam, Stephanie or Sophie can justify what their mum did. They are all aware of what she would regularly say. As adults there is no excuse for them to believe what she did, and continues to do, is right.

When Sophie was born I made a point in trying not to allow Sandra to psychologically and emotionally abuse her the way she had abused Stephanie, to the point I likely came across as showing Sophie favouritism.

The Coward's Way Out

Having reached a point of no return regarding her fraud and debt Sandra had no option but to leave.

This she did in the summer of 2002. She had prepared the kids for it and took the coward’s way out by leaving Adam to break the news to me. The cowardly and ignorant approach Adam, Stephanie and Sophie have currently adopted.

We were getting along ok until her arrest and that’s when things became extremely bitter and angry.

Sophie then became the pawn in her quest for vengeance.

I was working in Aberdeen by now and Sandra used this to tie me down to seeing Sophie once, and if I was lucky, twice per week. Every Sunday morning though I would voluntarily picked Sophie up and take her to her horse riding, without fail. Had I not taken her she’d never had ridden a horse. Sandra certainly wouldn’t have driven into a farm and waited for her. That didn’t matter though as she continued her abuse of Sophie and her control of myself. It cost me £9000 in solicitor fees to see Sophie.

Sandra used a common approach used in alienation through separation. She would make sure Sophie was under the impression the blame lay with me.

I was sitting in the car with Sophie at one point and she said to me, ‘Mum left because you had an affair’. That’s not true. I did eventually meet someone and no we weren’t divorced at the time. I met someone 10 years after I suspect Sandra had her first affair, 6 years after her second affair and 1 year after her affair with her work colleague. So no, our marriage didn’t end due to a perfectly good and honest relationship with a woman who, unlike Sandra, knew honesty. Our marriage didn’t even end due to Sandra’s affairs.

Sophie was nine at this time.

It was also apparent Sophie was showing signs of unwarranted fear. She was frightened to do anything that may be construed by her mum as bad, or that would get her mum’s disapproval. I would pick her up and take her back home. I would ask her if she wanted to go to the cinema, or go on the boats in the park, anything that she would enjoy. She could never answer. She would mutter ‘I don’t know’, no enthusiasm. So we wouldn’t go. Then I asked her to ask her mum is she could go. And when I picked her up she was excited and keen to go places. Sandra was knocking any fun from her. Adam had a similar fear of his mum, not related to the divorce, more of her tyrannical nature. Hence he grew to hate her. In fact a family member used to get quite upset at the treatment of Adam by Sandra. She would shake and slap him as a punishment. She wouldn't do that with the girls. I wouldn't say Sandra was violently abusive towards our kids, not like she occasionally was towards me and she certainly didn't show an abuse similar to that she suffered at the hands of her own father. But it was brought to my attention on a variety of occasions. 

These examples of alienating behaviours are common in divorce and separation and alienation is not gender specific. Mums like Sandra though are aware and use the fact that the courts favour heavily the mother, ignoring the mental health and wellbeing of the child.

“These behaviours can include negative attitudes, communications and beliefs that denigrate, demean, vilify, malign, ridicule or dismiss the child’s other parent. It includes conveying false beliefs or stories to, and withholding positive information from, the child about the other parent, together with the relative absence of observable positive attitudes and behaviours.” (Johnston and Sullivan, 2020). “Alienating behaviours can also include spurning, terrorising, isolating, corrupting, or exploiting, and not responding appropriately to the child’s emotional needs. These tactics can foster a false belief that the parent who has been subject to the alienating behaviour is dangerous or unworthy. Children may adapt their own behaviours and feelings to the alienating parent to ensure that their attachment needs are met.” (Baker, 2010).
Sandra was ruining a perfectly good relationship between father and daughter. A relationship that had always been good. This was different from my experience with Stephanie. With Sophie, Sandra was actively ruining a perfect father daughter relationship. With Stephanie the alienation was an ongoing pattern of negative attitudes and communication with the sole intention of undermining and destroying our relationship, a pattern that begun before Stephanie had reached one year old. A pattern Adam has admitted he witnessed. A pattern still ongoing.

I read about ‘parental alienation’ being referred to as ‘domestic abduction’. No matter what, it is without a doubt emotional abuse aimed at two parties, the child and the parent.

And I’m an example of the affect it can have if allowed to carry on for years.

I’d also like to point out here that, although I was providing funding to Sandra on behalf of Adam, Stephanie and Sophie, she felt it prudent to use the Child Support Agency, now The Child Maintenance Service, an organisation responsible for driving 20% of UK suicides.

See here.
The following is a letter I was forced to write to Sandra. It also concerns Adam.