Stephanie,

The document I’ve included with this letter is a Facebook post. If you don’t read the Facebook post, that’s ok, at least read the content of this letter.

You refuse to tell me the truth as to your reason for the silent treatment and childish huffing back in 2021. Has your mum lied to you yet again and you’re frightened to face me with it?

What happened? The nights at the cinema? Birthdays?, Father’s days?

Disturbingly you accused me of domestic abuse towards your mum, coincidentally a year or so after having read the letter I wrote to you all indicating psychological abuse by your mum. I assume you read that letter after having invited me to your home to see my grandchild and that’s the reason you asked Chris to turn me away.

I met your mum in 1977, she was 17, I was 18. We were working in a supermarket. At that age I was to shy to ask her out. She then started going out with someone I knew from school. I was gutted. She left the supermarket when she left school. A friend of mine, John, was going out with her sister, Jeanette, and decided to get engaged in 1979. He asked me to their engagement party and told me Sandra was single. I walked her home after the party and we went out the following Friday. From then on we were rarely apart.

Your mum initially refused to introduce me to her dad. He had taken an instant dislike to me for several reasons. Firstly, I was an art student which meant, in his view, I was taking drugs. I’ve never taken a drug in my life. In his view, being an art student I would never get a proper job. I was working within two months of leaving college. I was a Dundee United supporter and he was a Dundee supporter. Nothing wrong with a bit of friendly rivalry, except Dundee United have a strong Catholic background, formed by Irish and saved from extinction by Celtic. Your grandad detested Catholics, a hate that would catch up with your mum’s sister and her new boyfriend when they were to get married. It was weeks before I met your Grandad Small. He also said to your mum, ‘I suppose you’ll start voting Tory now’, a reference to the fact that my parents had bought their own house. It was also a sign of the times, being the Thatcher years. Yes, I’m sorry to say your Grandad was a bigot.

In the same conversation your mum told me she hated her dad. She hated him because he made her kneel on marbles as a punishment when she was a child. A fact corroborated by Jeanette, who told her boyfriend she was forced to kneel on beads. I have a witness to the fact. I’m sorry you now have that knowledge but it affected me greatly in the early months of my relationship with your mum and it was to have a huge affect on the remainder of our relationship. I have absolutely no reason to ever have respected your Grandad Small as he made the early part of my relationship with your mum very difficult.

During that conversation your mum also told me that she witnessed your Grandad punching one of her uncles out on their front lawn during a family gathering, one of your Gran Small’s brothers. I don’t know the name of the uncle but as far as I’m aware your Gran had three brothers, Ally, Charles and one other. I’m led to believe the brother he assaulted was the unnamed one. Your mum told me your Grandad was arrested and spent the night in a police cell. I don’t think he was charged.

As you may or may not know, one of your Gran’s brothers was arrested and jailed years later for sexually molesting young girls. I know that brother was neither Ally nor Charles. I need to watch what I’m saying here as I don’t want to libel myself and, as I say, I’m only aware of three brothers. I can’t remember when your mum told me of her uncle’s arrest but she was greatly relieved. Remember, I’d known your mum intimately from 1979 and was with her almost daily for over twenty years. I have my own thoughts as to why your Grandad, a man with three young daughters, assaulted your mum’s uncle, a paedophile.

Your mum eventually introduced me to her dad and it honestly wasn’t pleasant in the initial stages. It’s not something I want to go into in this letter but, as stated, he made our relationship difficult.

You’re an intelligent woman, Stephanie, and I hope you understand the psychology of what follows. 

June recently said to me, ‘your troubles started when you had kids’. That’s not strictly true. After Adam was born, as a family we were perfect. Our trouble started with your birth. It’s not your fault, I’m not blaming you. You were precious to both myself and your mum. But several months into your birth, after a petty disagreement, your mum told me, ‘You’ll never see your kids again’.  As soon as she said that she committed domestic psychological abuse. It only has to be said once to constitute psychological abuse. The first time she told you and Adam that you would ‘Get a new dad’ was psychological child abuse. She only had to say it once to be considered abuse but it became a pattern of behaviour and it was pernicious, lasting years. That, Stephanie, is child abuse and I doubt you would take it lightly if it happened to you. I also doubt Chris would be enamoured if you threatened him with losing his son or if you told your son he would soon get a new dad.

But your mum concentrated on you rather than Adam. She groomed you and brought you up to hate me. I have no doubt about that. It was, and still is, Parental Alienation. I felt so strongly about it that when Sophie was born I made a concerted effort to ensure it didn’t happen again, but I was up against it.

Your mum played you against me. Triangulation is the term used in psychology.

Do you remember I used to put my wallet and change on the ledge in the hall at the bottom of the stairs? Now and again your mum would take some money for shopping and tell me. At one point I noticed around a fiver missing and asked her if she’d taken it for shopping. It was no big deal, I wanted to know what I’d done with it. She blamed you for taking it. I remember it well, we were in our bedroom. I knew you wouldn’t have taken it. Your mum was wanting me to confront you. Triangulation Stephanie, explained in the Facebook post.

A parent with the craving to destroy their spouse or ex spouse without consideration of the feelings of their children is an abuser.

Any parent who uses alienation tactics to interfere with the relationship between the other parent and their child is a child abuser.

Parental Alienation is a deliberate and sustained effort by one parent to damage and diminish or totally eliminate a child’s loving feelings towards the other parent. It’s a severe form of child abuse, Stephanie. And it worked.

I believe your mum did this as a result of the abuse she suffered as a child at the hands of her father, along with any further possible abuse she endured. Your mum put you in her own shoes and protected you from me. There is no way your mum wasn’t damaged by being forced to kneel on marbles as a child. Absolutely no way. Your Grandad Small didn’t just violently abuse your mum, he tortured her. 

Unfortunately your mum is a covert narcissist, the one type of narcissism closely associated with childhood abuse.

And now you are doing it to me with your son, my Grandson. Grandparental Alienation. The reality is, I shouldn’t be surprised.

I was angry, Stephanie, you bet I was angry. Within a few months of your birth I was being told I would lose my kids. Within a year of your birth both you and Adam were being told you would get a new dad. It became a pattern of behaviour throughout our marriage. You know that and cannot deny it without making a liar of yourself.

The psychological damage from the threat of losing your kids is painful. By November 1989, twenty months after your birth I was talking to someone in Family Liaison. By September 1992 I was consulting my GP who diagnosed me with reactive depression and prescribe Paroxetine. Depression brought on by your mum’s cruel and pernicious threats. You were 4 years old and I was visiting my GP through a fear of losing you and Adam. These weren’t petty fears, they were real fears. If you read the facebook post and the bit about the family court you will understand how these fears developed. You will also see that your mum lied to the court, something you are unable to dispute.

Yes, I was bloody angry. I was being abused and you and Adam were also being abused. Never get my anger at your mum’s abuse confused with abuse. I wasn’t abusive, I was angry. It was fight or flight for me and there was no way I was leaving you and Adam. What your mum did was cruel, not only to me but to you also.

Your mum would come home from work with bruises to her torso and legs. I would ask her what happened and she would tell me she received them putting kicking patients to bed. I then discovered she was telling you I gave her the bruises. 

Do you see how that could lead to depression, anger and psychological issues?

It didn’t stop there though, as things were to worsen.

My doubts over Sophie’s conception.

It was well nigh biologically impossible for me to have fertilised an egg due to having been prescribed Paroxetine in September of 1992, four months prior to Sophie’s conception. Ironically I was prescribed Paroxetine, an anti depressant, to treat reactive depression brought on by your mum’s psychological abuse of myself, you and Adam.

I was prescribed Paroxetine for months, it’s not a drug you can take for a few weeks. It takes around six weeks to take effect. It had a weird effect on my body. I was sterile. For want of a better term, I was dry.

Prior to visiting my GP I had suspected your mum of having an affair with one of her friend’s husbands. Another reason for the depression. Your mum had lost a lot of weight. Sophie’s conception was a surprise and when I questioned your mum about it her answer was ‘I’m not well so must be vulnerable and a wee bit must have gotten through’. I’m sure you can use your imagination as to what a wee bit getting through refers to. Your mum was lying to me and I suspect her weight loss was due to loss of appetite through worry of being caught by either me or her friend.

As you are aware, Sophie was born in October 1993. 

A few months later, in 1994, it was revealed on a Friday, that your mum had been having and affair with Mike McLarty, the husband of her closest friend at that time, Mike also being a friend of mine. Four or five days after that news was revealed I was home alone and received a phone call from the chap I suspected of having an affair with your mum prior to Sophie’s birth. It was an abusive call targeted at myself and your mum in particular. A jealous call. I then called his wife and advised her that it may be a good idea to keep her husband away from your mum. We all know who these people are and if they were to see the Facebook post or my website they would both know who I am referring to. They still reside in Inchture.

(I’m writing this on Wednesday 17th December, 2025. On Friday 12^th December 2025, In the Invergowrie Inn I bumped into the wife in question, her having drawn my attention. One of my friends commented on the noticeable and extreme and awkwardness of the meeting).

Not long after the affair with Mike your mum announced that she was pregnant. The pregnancy was terminated as I believed it wasn’t mine. I already suspected that Sophie wasn’t mine. Your mum lost a child and you, Adam and Sophie lost a sibling. Me, I don’t know if I lost a child. I doesn’t half screw with your head and, believe me, I think about it and it saddens me. What could have been.

Sophie was born in between two affairs as far as I am aware and suspect. What I don’t know is how long her affair with Mike McLarty had gone on. Was it a year? Was she having an affair with both Mike and the other at the same time? Was the other jealous because Mike was now on the scene? If there is a slight possibility that a wee bit did get through, is it possible one of three can be Sophie’s father?

I don’t know. Not yet anyway, but it’s coming (pardon the pun).

To add to what I’ve just written, I recently found out something I suspected for a long time. A very close friend recently told me that your mum tried it on with him three or four years prior to your birth. This is a person I trust implicitly. If I’d known that, you’d have never been born. I’d have left her. The conversation I had with my friend is contained within the envelope I’ve included. Be warned its a conversation regarding how your mum approached my friend. He kept this from me for years. It’s not pleasant.

Regarding accusations of abuse, I also recently found out that, around 2001/02, your mum was the subject of disciplinary action, having been accused of assaulting a patient in the nursing home where she was employed at the time. There’s a paper trail and there’s a witness.

Let’s not forget, during our marriage she assaulted me three times, once smashing an object over my head, once smashing a glass over my leg, fortunately missing an artery, and she tried to break my nose with her elbow when I tried to retrieve my stolen mail which implicated her in her fraud. But, of course, none of that happened because you didn’t see it.

Unfortunately your mum had several affairs during our marriage, the one I suspect from 1992, Mike McLarty, and then there was Vick, in 2000, who’s partner called me asking me to keep your mum from him. She’d followed them and observed them in his car. I’ll go no further than that.

I always had very good reason to mistrust your mum and it tortures me that Sophie may not be mine. Thirty two years of torture. Yes, it’s time I found out.

No Stephanie, it’s not your fault. I blame your Grandad Small for his abuse of your mum. How do you think you would be had you been forced to kneel on marbles or beads as a child? What psychological damage would there be?

I doubt had your mum not been abused we would be in the position we now are. I resented your Grandad Small for what he did to your mum.

Yes, I have lots of issues with your Grandad Small and believe that, if it wasn’t for him, your mum wouldn’t have been the thief, liar and cheat that she turned out to be. Just look at the relationships her siblings have had. Jeanette, divorced, Alec, separated from his kids’ mum, Laura?, well what more can I say.

I resent the fact that my kids became the two faced, back stabbing insidious people you now are. Not only perfectly illustrated by all of your attitudes towards myself and your Gran Sheila and Grandad Neil, but also perfectly illustrated by Adam and Sophie’s opinion that your partner, Chris, is a weirdo. He’s a weirdo because he has social anxieties. Just like Adam called me a weirdo based on my depression. And before you call me a liar, like Adam did, think about how I would know of Chris’s anxiety, unless I was told. 

Years ago I asked your mum for mediation, last year I asked you. You have continually proven that you have an inability to reason, you have no impartiality and you only want to apportion blame.

You’re a disappointment Stephanie. In 2021 you turned your back on me and stabbed me in the back, not telling me why and without giving me an opportunity to explain what I may have done wrong. Yes, you have a complete inability to reason.

You are also a huge disappointment as a granddaughter. You hurt your Gran and Grandad and your Gran passed away knowing that not only were you deliberately hurting me but that you were also deliberately hurting her. She passed away not meeting her Great Grandchild. She loved you and thought the world of you. She asked about you every time I was with her. She asked about her Great Grandchild. Your Gran and your Grandad treated you well from the day you were born and they loved you like any grandparent would. But you treated them like trash and you still treat your Grandad that way. You stabbed them in the back and twisted the knife. You are a massive disappointment.

You’ve learned in this letter that your mum is a child abuser. She psychologically and narcissistically abused you, Adam and Sophie by continually telling you that you would ‘get a new dad’. Not just once but as a pattern of behaviour. You all grew up expecting to ‘get a new dad’ at some point. No matter how much you argue that, it is, lawfully and morally, abuse. Abuse of you and abuse of me. Fourteen toxic and destructive years of domestic and child abuse. And counting.

I can’t help but regret having children to your mum. You were all weaponised and used as a gun against my head.

A child is the best gift you can give a narcissist. The weapon of all weapons. A possession to use against you long after the relationship ends.

My life should have been enhanced with three kids but you were used to destroy me. And now, in the home straight the three of you are doing so. Deliberately and systematically.

Your mum lectured you all in hate.

You’ve taken sides, Stephanie, with your mum who Adam has described as a liar and a very bitter woman. 

Yes Stephanie, you are a massive disappointment. You have a complete inability to reason. 

The three of you are two faced, very cold hearted, insidious, devoid of empathy and lack integrity.

One last thing. I was a better dad to you than your mum was a mum. Aside from all the treats and good you received from us both, I didn’t lie you, I didn’t use you, I didn’t threaten you and I didn’t psychologically abuse you. Your mum did.

Yes Stephanie, I know who the weirdos are.

Finally, you have told Chris that I abused your mum and I’ve no doubt Adam and Sophie have told their extended families. It’s no coincidence this was instigated around the time of your family gathering in Inverness around August/September of 2021. Your mum has played a huge part in the accusations against me, leading to your alienation of, not only me but also your Gran Sheila, Grandad Neil and the rest of my family. Little wonder considering her documented affairs, fraud of over £16,000 and her theft from Hazel. Mixing with my family again would be extremely embarrassing for her. And you condone this? No criticism? How two faced! 

Your mum has spent your life alienating you from me. Not only is she a proven liar, an admission her own son has made, a thief and a cheat but she has proven herself to be a psychological abuser and, like her father, a child abuser, albeit not violent like her father but psychologically and narcissistically. That is extremely cruel.

I’m no abuser Stephanie, and I’m no liar, and through my story I will ensure I out your mum for the lying, thieving, narcissistic and psychological abuser she is.

You’ve allowed your mum, through years of psychological abuse, to deny me the greatest moments of fatherhood. My Grandchild, your weddings, your graduations. It’s a living bereavement. You have destroyed me.

I loved your mum from the age of nineteen but the person who vowed to love me is the person who damaged me most.

Lots of Love,

Dad.