Adam,

The document I’ve included with this letter is a Facebook post. I doubt you’ll read it as you bury your head in the sand. If you don’t read the Facebook post, that’t ok. Take your head out of the sand and at least read the content of this letter

You refuse to tell me the truth as to your reason for the silent treatment and childish huffing back in 2021. Has your mum lied to you yet again and you’re frightened to face me with it?

When we talked again in 2023 all seemed fine. Until I told you about your Grandad Small and his violent abuse of his mum and at least one of her siblings. Did you tell your mum and has she lied again to you about that?

I met your mum in 1977, she was 17, I was 18. We were working in a supermarket. At that age I was to shy to ask her out. She then started going out with someone I knew from school. I was gutted. She left the supermarket when she left school. A friend of mine, John, was going out with her sister, Jeanette, and decided to get engaged in 1979. He asked me to their engagement party and told me Sandra was single. I walked her home after the party and we went out the following Friday. From then on we were rarely apart.

Your mum initially refused to introduce me to her dad. He had taken an instant dislike to me for several reasons. Firstly, I was an art student which meant, in his view, I was taking drugs. I’ve never taken a drug in my life. In his view, being an art student I would never get a proper job. I was working within two months of leaving college. I was a Dundee United supporter and he was a Dundee supporter. Nothing wrong with a bit of friendly rivalry, except Dundee United have a strong Catholic background, formed by Irish and saved from extinction by Celtic. Your Grandad detested Catholics, a hate that would catch up with your mum’s sister and her new boyfriend when they were to get married. It was weeks before I met your Grandad Small. He also said to your mum, ‘I suppose you’ll start voting Tory now’, a reference to the fact that my parents had bought their own house. It was also a sign of the times, being the Thatcher years. Yes, I’m sorry to say your Grandad was a bigot.

In the same conversation your mum told me she hated her dad. She hated him because he made her kneel on marbles as a punishment when she was a child. Unfortunately, Adam, that is no lie, being corroborated by Jeanette, who told her boyfriend she was forced to kneel on beads. I have a witness to the fact. I’m sorry you now have that knowledge but it affected me greatly in the early months of my relationship with your mum and it was to have a huge affect on the remainder of our relationship. I have absolutely no reason to ever have respected your Grandad Small as he made the early part of my relationship with your mum very difficult.

During that conversation your mum also told me that she witnessed your Grandad punching one of her uncles out on their front lawn during a family gathering, one of your Gran Small’s brothers. I don’t know the name of the uncle but as far as I’m aware your Gran had three brothers, Ally, Charles and one other. I’m led to believe the brother he assaulted was the unnamed one. Your mum told me your Grandad was arrested and spent the night in a police cell. I don’t think he was charged.

As you may or may not know, one of your Gran’s brothers was arrested and jailed years later for sexually molesting young girls. I know that brother was neither Ally or Charles. I need to watch what I’m saying here as I don’t want to libel myself and, as I say, I’m only aware of three brothers. I can’t remember when your mum told me of her uncle’s arrest but she was greatly relieved. Remember, I’d known your mum intimately from 1979 and was with her almost daily for over twenty years. I have my own thoughts as to why your Grandad, a man with three young daughters, assaulted your mum’s uncle, a paedophile.

Your mum eventually introduced me to her dad and it honestly wasn’t pleasant in the initial stages. It’s not something I want to go into in this letter but, as stated, he made our relationship difficult.

The fact is though, you called me a liar, having, I should imagine, confronted your mum, who in October 2023 you told me ‘I know mum’s a liar and a very bitter woman’. The fact is your mum’s a pathological liar.

Everything I have told you is the truth, everything I have written is the truth, the vast majority having a paper trail left by your mum, or witnesses to your mum’s discretions.

The only thing I can’t prove, at the moment, is your mum’s affair prior to Sophie’s conception. That, for the moment, is circumstantial.

The one thing I do know is that it was well nigh biologically impossible for me to have fertilised an egg due to having been prescribed Paroxetine in September of 1992, four months prior to Sophie’s conception. Ironically I was prescribed Paroxetine, an anti depressant, to treat reactive depression brought on by your mum’s psychological abuse of myself, you and Stephanie, with her continual threats that I would ‘never see the kids again’, threats that were to perpetuate, culminating in her domestic, psychological child abuse.

I was prescribed Paroxetine for months, it’s not a drug you can take for a few weeks. It takes around six weeks to take effect. It had a weird effect on my body. I was sterile. For want of a better term, I was dry.

I had suspected your mum of having an affair with one of her friend’s husbands. Your mum had lost a lot of weight. Sophie’s conception was a surprise and when I questioned your mum about it her answer was ‘I’m not well so must be vulnerable and a wee bit must have gotten through’. I’m sure you can use your imagination as to what a wee bit getting through refers to. Your mum was lying to me and I suspect her weight loss was due to loss of appetite through worry of being caught by either me or her friend.

As you are aware Sophie was born in October 1993. 

A few months later, in 1994, it was revealed on a Friday, that your mum had been having and affair with Mike McLarty, the husband of her closest friend at that time, Mike also being a friend of mine. Four or five days after that news was revealed I was home alone and received a phone call from the chap I suspected of having an affair with your mum prior to Sophie’s birth. It was an abusive call targeted at myself and your mum in particular. A jealous call. I then called his wife and advised her that it may be a good idea to keep her husband away from your mum. We all know who these people are and if they were to see the Facebook post or my website they would both know who I am referring to. They still reside in Inchture.

(I’m writing this on Sunday14 December, 2025. On Friday 12^th December 2025, In the Invergowrie Inn I bumped into the wife in question, her having drawn my attention. One of my friends commented on the noticeable and extreme and awkwardness of the meeting).

Sophie was born in between two affairs as far as I am aware and suspect. What I don’t know is how long her affair with Mike McLarty had gone on. Was it a year? Was she having an affair with both Mike and the other at the same time? Was the other jealous because Mike was now on the scene? If there is a slight possibility that a wee bit did get through, is it possible one of three can be Sophie’s father?

I doubt very much if you could cope with that for 32 years, Adam.

Not long after the affair with Mike your mum announced that she was pregnant. The pregnancy was terminated as I believed it wasn’t mine. I already suspected that Sophie wasn’t mine. Your mum lost a child and you, Stephanie and Sophie lost a sibling. Me, I don’t know if I lost a child. I doesn’t half screw with your head and, believe me, I think about it and it saddens me. What could have been.

It’s possible I’m wrong but, given your mum’s lying, stealing and cheating I could never trust her as far as I could spit. 

Do you see how that could lead to depression, anger and psychological issues? The only proof available to me is a DNA test and I’m reluctant to go down that route, although I have spoken to a solicitor and my counsellor has suggested I do go down that route. That’s right Adam, I’ve seen five counsellors, the latest referred by the Police, and am currently undergoing therapy. It’s been suggested I’m suffering from CPTSD due to prolonged psychological trauma and my counsellor had considered trauma therapy but decided it was too dangerous as it concentrates on the trauma of the past. I’m undergoing hypnotherapy which tries to look forward and eradicate the bad memories. I have flashbacks, sleepless nights and high blood pressure, worsened presently by my three insidious and cold hearted children.

I hope you never have to go through that and I dread to think of your reaction should you have to, considering your psychopathic anger back in October 2021. An anger way out of context considering your argument was about money. Unless, of course, your mum has stirred a hornet’s nest at your retreat in Inverness in the August or September of 2021 and told you yet more lies. Do you know she used to come home from work with bruises on her torso and when I asked what happened she told me she was being kicked by patients while putting them to bed? I later discovered that she was telling Stephanie I had inflicted her bruises.

Don’t get my anger at your mum’s narcissistic and psychological abuse of myself, you and your sisters confused with domestic abuse by me. I wasn’t abusive to your mum, I was rightly angry at your mum. She was abusive to us. The first time she said ‘You’ll never see the kids again’ to me was domestic psychological abuse. The first time she told you and your sisters that you would ‘Get a new dad’ was psychological child abuse. Yes, your mum is a child abuser. She only had to say it once to be considered abuse but it became a pattern of behaviour and it was pernicious, lasting years. And don’t forget, you have always dismissed it. I doubt you would take it lightly if it happened to you.

A parent with the craving to destroy their spouse or ex spouse without consideration of the feelings of their children is an abuser.

Any parent who uses alienation tactics to interfere with the relationship between the other parent and their child is a child abuser.

To add to what I’ve just written, I recently found out something I suspected for a long time. A very close friend recently told me that your mum tried it on with him two or three years prior to your birth. This is a person I trust implicitly. If I’d known that, you’d have never been born. I’d have left her. The conversation I had with my friend is contained within the envelope. Be warned its a conversation regarding how your mum approached my friend. He kept this from me for years. It’s not pleasant.

Regarding accusations of abuse, I also recently found out that, around 2001/02, your mum was the subject of disciplinary action, having been accused of assaulting a patient in the nursing home where she was employed at the time. There’s a paper trail and there’s a witness.

Let’s not forget, during our marriage she assaulted me three times, once smashing an object over my head, once smashing a glass over my leg, fortunately missing an artery, and she tried to break my nose with her elbow when I tried to retrieve my stolen mail which implicated her in her fraud. But, of course, that didn’t happen because you didn’t see it.

‘How can you take money from your son’. That’s what you said to me in that phone call in October 2021. These weren’t your words, they were drummed into you, I assume by your mum with possible input from your sisters. You were irrational that day. Have you ever considered this? ‘How can you take money from your son for living with you?’ begs the question, was Stephanie and Sophie being charged for staying with their mum and if not why not, given that you were? And if they were why were you criticising me when your mum was charging you all? Either way, it illustrates your stupidity and if Stephanie and Sophie were given free board and you weren’t, at £60 per month you were obviously subsidising them. Why weren’t you given free board too? You could say you were mugged.

To put perspective on this, based over a nine year period staying with me you contributed just over £8,000. Had you stayed with your mum for the same period you would have paid over £28,000. I hope you saved the £20,000 you would have given your mum and it helped you and Nicole with the deposit towards your first house. You certainly wouldn’t have been drinking Tennent’s Lager and gambling every night living with your mum, like you did living with me. I can’t remember the exact timescale you stayed with me but the result and principle is much the same, however long you stayed with me.

And let’s not forget it’s highly unlikely she’d have taken you to Inchture at the drop of a hat on a Saturday night.

You persist in telling me I brought it all on myself, without justifying yourself. No I didn’t. No parent deserves a lifetime of listening to another parent telling their kids they will get a new dad or mum. That is evil. In fact the reason you say I brought it on myself is your eagerness to apportion blame without reason, your complete lack of honesty and your misguided loyalty to Stephanie and Sophie. I understand that loyalty but not to the damage of your own dignity. I doubt you’ve had the courage to tell your mum she brought her arrest on herself or that you’ve had the courage to tell Stephanie her partner is a weirdo. You certainly don’t have the courage to tell him to his face.

Oh and I won’t mention too much about Stewart, another close acquaintance you’ve blown away.

You’re a coward.

I want to address your criticism of me persisting with my studio. I built myself a career and got to a stage where, as a family, we were handed a massive opportunity with Venture, an opportunity that was ruined by your mum’s fraud and debt. I was offered Sheffield, a move that would have put at least £400,000 in the bank in the six years I was with Venture. At least £400,000, plus the sale of the studio at £500,000. Had we moved I’d never have had to start a studio in Dundee. We’d have moved back to Dundee in 2006 to a large family home.

And you criticised me? A man who wasted thousands on a plumbing course, never to finish it, wasted thousands on an HGV licence only to work as a lorry driver for six weeks. Oh boy, you are so two faced.

You’re a disappointment Adam. You called me a liar and, like in 2021 you didn’t give me an opportunity to explain. Even worse, you confronted a liar, a woman you have verbally admitted is a liar and you believed her. I’m no liar and everything I’ve written is true, all with some form of paper trail, witness or evidence, circumstantial or otherwise.

You have a complete inability to reason.

You are also a huge disappointment as a grandson. You hurt your Gran Sheila and Grandad Neil and your Gran passed away knowing that not only were you deliberately hurting me but that you were also deliberately hurting her. She loved you and thought the world of you. She asked about you every time I was with her. Your Gran  and your Grandad treated you well from the day you were born and they loved you like any grandparent would. But you treated them like trash and you still treat your Grandad that way. You are a massive disappointment.

You claimed you would show your own respects to her but how can you show respect to someone who has passed when you had no respect for them in life?

You’ve learned in this letter that your mum is a child abuser. You know she is. She psychologically and narcissistically abused you, Stephanie and Sophie by continually telling you that you would ‘get a new dad’. Not just once but as a pattern of behaviour. You all grew up expecting to ‘get a new dad’ at some point. No matter how much you argue that, it is, lawfully and morally, abuse. Abuse of you and abuse of me. Fourteen toxic and destructive years of domestic and child abuse. And counting.

You’ve also learned that your Grandad violently abused your mum, in fact he tortured her. I’m sorry you have to learn this way but you know what?, you brought it on yourself.

I doubt you’ll understand the psychology of this, or even attempt to, but June recently said to me, ‘your troubles started when you had kids’. That’s not strictly true. They started with the birth of Stephanie. It’s not Stephanie’s fault. She was precious and we were both delighted at her birth. As you know Stephanie was brought up to hate me. I believe your mum did this as a result of the abuse she suffered as a child at the hands of her father, along with any further possible abuse she endured. Your mum put Stephanie in her own shoes and protected her from me. There is no way your mum wasn’t damaged psychologically by being forced to kneel on marbles as a child. Absolutely no way. Your mum is a covert narcissist, the one type of narcissism closely associated with childhood abuse.

Yes Adam, I have lots of issues with your Grandad Small and believe that, if it wasn’t for him, your mum wouldn’t have been the thief, liar and cheat that she turned out to be. Just look at the relationships her siblings have had. Jeanette, divorced, Alec, separated from his kids’ mum, Laura?, well what more can I say.

I can’t help but regret having children to your mum. You were all weaponised and used as a gun against my head.

A child is the best gift you can give a narcissist. The weapon of all weapons. A possession to use against you long after the relationship ends.

My life should have been enhanced with three kids but you were used to destroy me. And now, in the home straight the three of you are doing the same.

Your mum lectured you all in hate.

You’re right, I should have walked away from your mum long before you were born. I should have listened to a friend back in 1979 who worked with your mum who told me not to go there. I listened to your mum instead. I should have listened to your gran Small who told me ‘watch her, Gregor, she’s a born liar’, after I’d walked in on them arguing over money your mum had been stealing from your gran’s purse. I should have listened to my gut in 1982 when she spent all of my wages in one day. That is also stealing. And I’m sorry my friend didn’t tell me about your mum’s approach on him a couple of years after our marriage but he couldn’t as he knew how much I loved your mum.

Your mum is a liar, a thief and a cheat. And you respect that?

You’ve taken sides with your mum who you have admitted is a liar and a very bitter woman. You have absolutely no impartiality, likely down to the four giant thumbs pressing down on you. You only want to apportion blame.

Yes Adam, you are a massive disappointment. You have proven yourself to be a puppet to the women in your life. You have a complete inability to reason. You are two faced, very cold hearted, gutless, insidious and devoid of empathy. You lack integrity. You are a back stabber. You are a coward.

One last thing. I was a better dad to you than your mum was a mum. Aside from all the treats and good you received from us both, I didn’t lie you. I didn’t slap or shake you. I didn’t use you, I didn’t threaten you and I didn’t psychologically abuse you. Your mum did. And I will continue to tell the truth.

I’m no abuser Adam, and I’m no liar, and through my story I will ensure I out your mum for the lying, thieving, narcissistic and psychological abuser she is.

You’ve allowed your mum, through years of psychological abuse, to deny me the greatest moments of fatherhood. My Grandchild and, I’m sure, more to come, weddings and graduations. It’s a living bereavement. You have destroyed me.

I loved your mum from the age of nineteen but the person who vowed to love me is the person who damaged me most.

Lots of Love,

Dad.