2022-2023
By all accounts I had enough on my plate in 2022 to take my mined off thins, to an extent. I’d been working with Tesco for four years, leaving in November 2021. I secured a temporary job with a craft beer company over the Christmas period, finishing in March just as I was offered a great opportunity working locally for a large organisation, where I am still employed in a great job. So life was beginning to improve at last and my kids weren’t around to see it.
August 2022, date forgotten. I was sitting in the office and received a phone call from my brother. The district nurses who visit my parents to administer their drugs had found my dad unresponsive. I rushed down to their house and the paramedics were their seeing to him. No need to take him to hospital but scary stuff. A few days later the same happened again.
Monday 22nd August, 2022. I felt it prudent to let Adam, Stephanie and Sophie know about their granddad. Rather than text a moody Adam or Sophie who lives in Edinburgh my best option was Stephanie.
This is my text:
“Just making you aware we’ve had to have the paramedics out to your grandad twice in the last 5 days as he has been unresponsive. You might want to let the other 2 know”
Stephanie’s reply:
“Sorry to hear that dada. I’ll tell the others.”
I got a better response from my mate who came to see him and also from my workmates, who I barely knew at the time. He was, though, surrounded by his other grandkids and their partners.
The first sight of any modicum of care was from Adam on 1st June, 2023, my brother having called him a few days earlier. Neither Stephanie or Sophie have shown any concern.
A few days later, a Sunday, I wen to visit my parents. My dad was sitting in his seat in a pretty bad way, pains in his chest. I administered his GTN spray and he then proceeded to go into a fit, his body stiffening. F***, are we watching him dying? It’s scary. I called 999 and was talked through a procedure to carry out while awaiting the paramedics. All this time mum trying to keep calm. My brothers live a distance away so it took them a bit of time to arrive. I would normally have called on Adam for help as he lives much closer. The paramedics came and from what I understand dad’s blood pressure had been way too high. The GTN spray had rapidly reduced it, or he was allergic to it, hence the fit. He was taken to hospital for a few days.
October 2022, date forgotten. Sitting in the office again and my brother called as my dad had again been found unresponsive. This time it was much more serious, if there can be anything more worrying than unresponsive. This time he’d been sick and fluid had entered his airways, settling in his lungs. He was rushed to hospital with a DNR.
After a couple of weeks in Ninewells Hospital which came with a vast improvement, given the care he received, he was transferred to Victoria Hospital. This time though, he would be kept in until a care package became available at home. He would be in Victoria until March, 2023.
Christmas came and went and another Christmas without an acknowledgement to their
grandparents from Adam, Stephanie or Sophie. Let’s be clear here, their grandparents, at that time were 87 and 88. Adam in particular had watched the deterioration of his grandfather. He is well aware he has dementia and is prone to illness, as many aged folk are. He is well aware his gran is suffering from dementia too. None of them would have been aware if their grandparents were alive or dead. And none of them cared. That is huffing at it’s ugliest. Three people so consumed by petty hatred and so selfish that they couldn’t give a thought to two close members of family who were instrumental in being there during their upbringing. Family members who loved them and were extremely generous to them and consequently their partners.
They wouldn’t know until June 2023, when my brother called Adam, that their grandparents were still with the living.
These are the cruelest of intentions.
March 2023. We received word a care package came through and my dad would be going home. He lasted eleven days and tree falls before the carers decided it was a danger to him and my mum for him to stay at home. He was taken into respite, lasted just over a week, became sick, taken to Ninewells Hospital then back to Victoria Hospital to await a place in a care home. He was to spend another eight or so weeks in Victoria.
All this going on while my three offspring are acting like they should be in a soap opera.
It was while in Victoria that my brother called Adam, on a Saturday, to make him aware that his grandad was in hospital (remember, I’d already informed Stephanie in a text). A few days earlier I had sent Adam a letter of several pages which he distributed to his sisters. I did post it here but on reflection it is too personal. During the call Adam let it slip that Stephanie had had a son.
Interestingly my brother's opinion of the phone call with Adam was that Adam was talking someone else's words, words that had been drummed into him. Exactly my opinion of Adam during his angry call of a year or so earlier when he was ranting about money. That wasn't him talking. It was his mum. A woman who stole £15,000 and was at least the same amount in debt, with a trust deed, giving financial advice. Giving a lecture on money. A woman who found it prudent to charge Adam £60-£80 per week for living in her house when he was a student.
I'm not making this up!!!
A few days later I was visiting my dad in hospital and was leaving when I bumped into Adam on the way in. That’s right he came to visit his grandad. There was no bad feeling and we got into conversation. During the conversation he made it clear that what I had written in the letter he mostly agreed with. And, make no bones about it, as Ted Hastings would say, I didn’t half get ripped into them all, Adam, Stephanie, Sophie and Sandra. I told the truth and made things clear, just as I’ve done here.
Thursday 21st June 2023. So here we are, where I started off in the introduction. Standing at the door of Stephanie and Chris’s house. Awaiting the introduction to my first grandson, an invitation I’d had earlier in the day.
I also had a cheque for Stephanie.
Instead, a weirdo answered the door and told another weirdo a lie. Then he backtracked on that lie.
Chris, I really hope you read this, just to find out who the real weirdos are.
A couple of weeks later I drove back to Stephanie’s house and dropped the cheque through her letterbox. A week after that I posted through the letterbox a card for my grandson with some cash inside. I wasn’t sure I should do that as, given the pettiness that has festered over the last few years I expected the card to come back to me. I didn’t expect the cheque to also come back though, considering it was a large gift from her grandparents when she was small. As I said, and as Stephanie was aware of, I used the money by mistake, having been placed in an account in my name. I gave her it back with interest. Adam was also surprised she returned it, effectively admitting his awareness of her pettiness and hence his own and Sophie’s.
It’s amazing how a person can say something without actually realising that they have just criticised everything they actually stand for themselves. Two faced I’m sure it’s know as.
Adam made one more visit to the hospital prior to my dad being moved to a permanent residence in a nursing home not far from my own and also Adam’s house. Over the next few months Adam made two visits to the nursing home. He also started a new job which meant him being on call and stuck for time. I think he was under some pressure at work also. We were keeping in touch via text though.
Monday 9th October 2023. I messaged Adam as I’d been out the week prior and had a depressive episode which led to me saying something to a friend which worried them. The day before I messaged Adam I spent a few hours with a counsellor. Adam messaged back saying he would come and see me after work, which he did.
Before talking about the discussion we had I’d like to address something Adam consistently tells me and which he did again in his text back to me. He consistently tells me ‘You brought it all on yourself’. No Adam I didn’t. Your mum brought it on with her persistent emotional abuse. The current state of affairs I still don’t have a clue as to what I did to bring it on myself as none of you have had the decency to discuss it with me. You’ve all just gone in the huff. Your grandparents certainly haven’t done anything. And finally I would guarantee that you haven’t told your mum that she brought on her arrest herself. Or that she brought on the termination of a child herself - a third sibling to you and your sisters, albeit by another father, the reason fro the termination. Have you told her she brought on the destruction of so many of her friendships herself? And the destruction of her marriage over a lengthy period? Drop your two faces Adam.
So Adam came to see me once he was finished work. We spoke about my depressive episode and the reasons behind my friends’ worry which I won’t mention here. Adam’s consensus though was that I wasn’t well and he was correct. That’s for me to deal with though. Inevitably the discussion took in Stephanie, Sophie and Sandra and the revelation that Adam is well aware his mum brought Stephanie up to hare me. He admitted to witnessing it. He also admitted that her is aware his mum is a liar. I suppose it should make me feel good that he has criticism for hi mum but it doesn’t. I’d much rather have had a happy marriage to a woman with morals and not an emotional abuser, liar, thief and cheat. I’d much rather have been in my home office having a beer with him while his mum was in the lounge watching some crap on TV. And so would he. He’s told me as much.
Conversation finished Adam had to rush off telling me he would come back to see me ‘in a couple of days’. He didn’t.
Thursday 30th November 2023. Dad was taken to hospital as he was sick again, filling his airways. I messaged Adam the following day to let him know. ‘Ah ok that’s a shame’.
Saturday 9th December 2023. Adam’s in the huff again. I had the impression that was the case as he hadn’t come to see me as promised on 9th October. Nor had he been to see his grandad, which he used to do every couple of weeks by the way, when both his grandparents were at home. All prior to this nonsense with them all. Again, as in 2021, he’s gone in the huff with no explanation. I certainly haven’t said or done anything to him which is likely why he has again taken the coward's way out and won't look me in the eye. I've no doubt the females in his life have given him a hard time, and he's fallen for their coercion and would reiterating what they say, just like he did in his angry phone call in October 2021 and in his phone conversation with my brother. I've no doubt if Adam read this as a piece of fiction he would call his character a two faced w*****. Adam acted more like an adult when he was 5 years old than he does now.
Let’s talk about Adam’s moods as it concerns me that this has come about prior to Christmas. I witnessed his moods with his last girlfriend and I’ve witnessed them with Nicole. Now, I’m prone to mood swings so there may be a connection there but these were brought on by years of emotional abuse. Actually, maybe I did bring this all on myself by putting up with the abuse. Maybe that’s what Adam means. Let’s face it he’s told me recently he’d have walked away from such a relationship. Anyway, Adam hates this time of year, not only due to the stresses caused by the expense but also the last Christmas we had as a family. It was a horrible experience. It was obvious from Sandra’s demeanour that this was to be our last Christmas as a family. In fact I’m sure she’d prepared the girls at least and certainly Stephanie. She’d been preparing Stephanie for a long, long time though. We sat down to dinner and Adam didn’t want sprouts. Sandra knew he didn’t like them. For want of a better phrase, she went mental, shaking him, shouting at him and slapping him about the head. He sat over his Christmas dinner crying. A Christmas I have always remembered and always will. That wasn’t a first by the way. Sandra had a habit of slapping Adam about. One holiday we were driving down to Sheffield and stopped in a lay-by for something to eat on the way down. Sandra asked a Five or six year old Adam to but some rubbish in a nearby bin. He went to do it but the bin was full of wasps. He was frightened. Sandra gave him a good shake for being frightened. Again she went mental. Another good family moment spoiled.
Yes, Adam has mood swings. Little wonder considering he and his sisters were also victims of their mother’s emotional abuse and, all things considered, he too is currently a victim, given he is being forced into this situation by a woman intent on propagating hate.
So Christmas came and went and we’re into 2024 and the bitterness, ill feeling and hate continues to suppurate.
