1990-1994

By the early nineties Adam and Stephanie were attending nursery, Sandra becoming friendly with other mothers, a few becoming good friends. One mother in particular became very friendly with Sandra, Sandra eventually meeting her husband. Names aren’t appropriate at the moment. We were asked round for drinks one Saturday evening and we returned the favour. Myself and Sandra’s friend’s husband were never going to be friends, we had very little in common, though we would say hello if we crossed paths. Sandra seemed to take a shine to him though. He would pop up in conversation now and again. That was a habit Sandra had when she found a friendly male she liked. She did the same with her sister’s husband, I noticed.

The friendship never went anywhere, though I did cross paths with Sandra’s friend now and again, particularly when I was out cycling. She was always friendly and I think Sandra was reasonably friendly with her. Her husband, though, I didn’t take to and he would figure briefly in my life a few years later. As I say, Sandra thought he was a lovely bloke and a couple of years later her attachment to her friend would stagnate. Work that one out.

As we stepped into the nineties my mood would dip. I would become angry and would spend time by myself out with my camera or in my little cupboard darkroom. That was nothing unusual in itself but I was losing interest in the things I enjoyed and struggled when out with the camera. There were a variety of reasons and if you’ve read this far you’ll understand.

On 9^th September 1992 I decided to visit my doctor who informed me I was suffering from reactive depression. Little wonder really, having continually been threatened with the loss of my kids. It doesn’t half grind you down. He prescribed me an antidepressant, one I thought was now banned but apparently it’s not. I know, though, that it is very rarely prescribed by GPs due to it’s adverse affects.

I started my course of tablets, which was to last at least six months. Now a serious side effect of the medication, which was to affect me for quite a while, was an inability to give Sandra the pleasure of another child. It wasn’t funny.

I suppose it would have been early to mid February 1993, Sandra announced she was pregnant. It came as a surprise to both of us. Sandra had lost a lot of weight, not that she was ever overweight, but her weight had plummeted. She felt she had become pregnant due to being  obviously unwell, hence the weight loss, which made the pregnancy process simpler. Who was I to question that? She was the medical professional after all. I had my own thoughts about her weight loss, which will be mentioned again later, but delightfully accepted I was to be a father again.

Thursday, October 28^th, 1993. I’d Do Anything For Love by Meat Loaf was number one in the UK charts. I was at work and received a call from Sandra, another wee one on the way. No skelped erse this time, that was for the olden days, just another wee greeting face. Hello Sophie. You know the drill now, in hospital for a few days then back home to a house full of prams, buggies, changing mats, a cot and a dangly bouncy thing hanging from the kitchen door. A full house, a house now a bit too wee. And so was our car.

First of all we replaced our car. Things were beginning to improve financially so we decided we could afford to take a car on finance. We found a Peugeot 405, one year old, in Grassicks in Perth and took it for a test drive. Ideal, we signed on the dotted line, put down a deposit and drove away in our new car a few days later. It was a commitment but would have it paid over three years.

It was also to become obvious we would need to either move or extend our house as Adam, Stephanie and Sophie were all in one bedroom. We liked our house so decided to extend. We started sketching plans, decided what we wanted and approached the necessary professionals. It was an ambitious project, building a new kitchen, turning the current one into a dining area, adding a garage with a darkroom on the back and two new bedrooms above the garage, one with a shower room. This would be fantastic, effectively doubling our mortgage though, which on top of car payments would mean a tightening of the purse strings. Tightening purse strings, not something Sandra ever bothered about. Work commenced sometime in the summer, stopped over winter and started again in 1994 when the weather improved. I can remember Sunday, 15th May, 1994 very well. I’d been painting inside the roof of the extension and got a blob of white paint in my left eye. You don’t want white pain in you eye. Actually you don’t want any paint in your eye but white can be particularly nasty. Sandra rushed me to hospital where it was washed out and a patch put on for a week or so. Scary stuff. The extension was finished, or a least liveable, by the back end of summer 1994. Just a few bits and pieces to be done when finances allowed.

Adam had his own bedroom, our old one, Stephanie had hers and Sophie had the new small one above the garage, though why we bothered with that one I’ll never know as she tended to sleep in Stephanie’s room. Why is it you buy kids comfy beds and they sleep on the floor?

All was perfect, our family was complete (Definitely this time. Or was it?), our house was looking great and we had a nice car. Adam had good friends, as did Stephanie and Sophie was strutting about the Drive in her wellies, rain, snow or sun. What more could we want? Another child?

Before we advance, let’s address an allegation involving Sandra. It may have been 1994, possibly 1995. I’m not sure exactly when but I know Sophie was at the crawling stage. I want to give a little bit of our history first. Sandra and I started going out in 1979 and were married in 1982. In the years between I introduced her to two of my aunties, Joy and Hazel, sisters to my father. We would give them visits on random evenings and Sandra became very close to them. I was already close to them. They’d always treated myself and brothers very well and as they grew closer to Sandra, treated her as they treated me. They would always acknowledge birthdays and Christmases for us both. Unfortunately Joy passed away, having suffered from cancer. We carried on visiting Hazel and Sandra and her became very close friends. That made the following incident all the more difficult for Hazel.

Sandra had gone to visit Hazel one day, taking Sophie. While sitting downstairs Sandra and Hazel realised Sophie had crawled away and climbed upstairs. Sandra went upstairs looking for her and wandered into Hazel’s bedroom where there was a considerable amount of electricity stamps lying on a unit. They went missing and Hazel alleged Sandra took them. Sandra took responsibility for our electricity bill and regularly bought electricity stamps. I don’t know if Hazel had words with Sandra or if she kept quiet, I never found out. This didn’t come to light for me till many years later. I doubt Hazel would have wanted to take it further. One of Sandra’s best friendships ruined.